Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
