I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
