i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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