Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
