If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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