you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
