I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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