Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ok first of all what the fuck
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
