just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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