My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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