my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
