im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
