i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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