haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
