she looked like the before picture.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
