You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When are your genitals available?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
