I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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