I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
