You just made me feel so damn special
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
