So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
