it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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