dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
