you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
