Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
