She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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