Do vagina's smell?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
