Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
