The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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