This is not my ceiling
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
