There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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