no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
