I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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