Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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