I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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