i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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