Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
