To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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