'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
