Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
