Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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