Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
