I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
