What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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