I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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