Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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