the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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