insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
