Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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