the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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