Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
