He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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