i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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