So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
