win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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