I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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