And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
