I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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