Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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