I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
