Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
