so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
