i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
