On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
