Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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