I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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