I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
